I feel I must comment on the end of Just Desserts, even though the outcome was predetermined in, like, the third week. As usual, there was an awful lot of gluten on display (coconut cake! chocolate pudding cake! passion fruit cannoli! hazlenut cake!) although I was intrigued by Yigit's presentation of something called 'milk jam', which caused Gail to swoon with joy. Sadly, the recipe on Bravo's website is very strangely written and makes it appear as though the jam was served frozen, which cannot be right. Anyway, it's good-bye to all our crazy pastry cheftestants, the Pompadour, the Shoes, and She Who Isn't Gail. We'll see some of 'em soon, no doubt, on Top Chef All-Stars. I think we've already seen enough of Yigit (or his tatt'ed torso, anyway) to last a lifetime.
Of far more interest to loyal readers, I'm sure, is the news that I produced 100 billion new cells yesterday! Yes, campers, I miraculously regenerated one percent of myself - just like a red-bellied toad or an Alpine newt. By tomorrow I should be feeling 'energized, stronger, smoother (huh?), and younger', having consumed as much magnesium as may be found in 2.25 pounds of broccoli and enough iron to build a battleship.
What precipitated this thaumaturgy, you may ask? It's all thanks to Salvia hispanica (known to the layperson as chia), which I purchased at the supermarket a couple of days ago to replace my delicious, toasted, but tragically gluten-filled flax seeds. The only certified g/f version of chia I could find in the three minutes I allotted for the search is marketed as Anutra and comes to us courtesy of Arnold Palmer, who (if his picture on the container is to be believed) looks very well-preserved indeed, if not positively mummified. The seeds are ground up to resemble the contents of our ash pit at winter's end and taste, I imagine, similarly. Fortunately, once I have buried them under a pile of yoghurt and fruit, I can pretend they're not even there. I am, after all, quite bleary-eyed first thing in the morning and generally do not yet have my reading glasses on. And what is taste, texture, and olfactory appeal when balanced against life eternal?
Anxious to find out more about what I was eating, I made a cup of Earl Grey and settled down for some overdue research. The data unearthed by my inquiry brought to mind Hannibal Lecter's assessment of airline fare: 'It isn't food at all as I understand it.' According to the European Parliament's Regulation (EC) No 258/97, chia seeds are a 'novel food', which means either they do not have a long history of being nibbled by humans or are fabricated using a method not traditionally related to food production. Yikes. This does not fill me with an overabundance of confidence, despite Arnold's assurances that Anutra will induce me to live forever.
Of course, the position that Salvia hispanica is not actually edible is a typically Eurocentric view. Chia (which is an herb in the mint family) was apparently valued by the Aztecs and other pre-Columbian civilizations and given as annual tributes to nobility and religious leaders. Whether they ate it on yoghurt or used it to grow amusing Shrek-shaped topiary is, I'm sad to say, a mystery lost to the ages.
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