Oat Cuisine

I have decided to tackle the gluten-free catastrophe one meal at a time. First up, breakfast – the most important meal of the day! My favorite week-day breakfast of Berry Burst Cheerios is now tragically verboten. Searching for a suitable substitute, I encounter what I’m sure is only one of the many debates currently raging in the gluten-free world: ‘Oats: are they or aren’t they?’

It would seem a simple matter to ascertain whether oats contain gluten. Surely, some brilliant food scientist somewhere has applied fairly basic chemistry to the problem. I find it is not that simple and come to the irritating conclusion that such controversies will enliven my life repeatedly in the weeks to come. After exhaustive internet research (well, at least as long as it takes for my kettle to boil), I have decided to concur with the great minds who say oats are gluten-free in and of themselves, but often contain gluten because they are processed with other evil cereals such as wheat and barley. Find some oats without undesirable grainy residue and Bob’s my uncle!

It takes a couple of days, but having secured two pounds of rolled oats (certified! gluten-free!) from my favorite New Jersey nut shop, I am left holding the bag, so to speak. What to do? It’s too early in the Fall for oatmeal, but my mind turns to Karen, the most excellent Namibian landlady in all of South Africa, who for breakfast fed us something she called German oatmeal, but which reminded me of the Swiss muesli Anton Mosimann used to advocate in the UK back in the 1980s. Are we clear so far?

Here's how you make Namibian German Swiss South African First-Eaten-in-Scotland Breakfast Oats. Take equal parts rolled oats and liquid of some kind (milk, water, apple juice, whatever – an unassuming Riesling would probably work), mix 'em up, and soak the resulting slurry in the fridge overnight. Notice that no heat is involved! In the morning, the oats have become miraculously soft, fluffy, and delicious. Mix with a bit of yoghurt and seeds/nuts of your choice, top with fresh fruit or fruit compote (my favorite recipe to follow) and you have the breakfast of gluten-free champions. First catastrophe averted!