Fractured Amy is currently too preoccupied with jam-making fantasies
to think about the adventures of Bravo's crazy Top Chefs.
Today's special report comes via our special correspondent, Moleskine II.
Wheeeee!
This is Moleskine, gang, and I am SO excited to be here! First I want to say thanks to Fractured Amy for giving me this awesome opportunity and second I want to say thanks to all my fans for their awesome support! THANKS guys, you are all GREAT and I love you TONS!
I LOVE Top Chef too! It's my favorite show! Blais is my favorite CHEF! He's great! He has two Moleskine notebooks that he uses to jot down all his awesome IDEAS and pictures of the plates that he wants to make as soon as Padma Lakshmi gives him the chance! Don't you LOVE Padma Lakshmi? I sure do! I think her clothes are GREAT. I love Tom Colicchio too - he once saved somebody's LIFE when they were choking and I think that's AWESOME! That lady might have DIED if Chef Tom didn't know the HEIMLICH Maneuver but he did and so he SAVED her!
But let's talk about Blais' NOTEBOOKS! I think it's awesome that he uses Moleskine notebooks, even if they are REPORTER style. I am a COOL 5.25" x 8.25" soft-covered squared notebook and we're the BEST, but reporter notebooks are OK too if you don't mind WASTING the backs of all the pages! At least he wasn't using a PEANUTS notebook or a PASSION journal, which are both stupid and for GIRLS. We don't talk to THEM because they are not awesome AT ALL. Reporter notebooks are somewhere between STUPID notebooks like them and a COOL notebook like me so they are awesome but NOT as awesome as I am!
But then that bad chef Mike Isabella TOOK one of Blais' notebooks and read it and STOLE one of Blais' awesome ideas and tried to pretend like it was his own when Paula Deen was the quickfire judge. And that wasn't FAIR because Paula LOVED the dish that was a chicken's oysters on a real oyster shell (which was a GREAT idea) and then Mike won $5000 that should have gone to Blais and I wanted Mike to DIE. I don't really mean that but I was so MAD! It is very very bad to touch another person's Moleskine notebook and it was not at all AWESOME for Mike to do that. Carla and Antonia (who are both GREAT, I think!) said Mike broke the chef's law but it is more important to me that he broke Moleskine rules, which are there for a very good reason and are only ever broken by very bad people like Mike Isabella who I would like to call a very bad name. Plus I wish he would DIE. I don't really mean that except I do. He makes me so MAD! He is UGLY, too, and I don't like the way he laughs. I think he's STUPID.
All the chefs had to cook lots of Southern food to help the fishes and animals and environment in the Gulf after the big OIL SPILL and that was AWESOME because they made lots of money for a good cause. But Carla, who I LOVE and is one of the best chefs EVER, didn't do very well and I was afraid she would go home so I stopped being mad and started being sad. But Dale did way worse so he went home, which was also sad because Dale has been nice ever since he met the Muppets. I LOVE the Muppets, especially Gonzo because he is so AWESOME. And then Richard won the challenge, which was GREAT because he beat that big bad ugly Mike Isabella and gets to go on a trip to Barbados, which is not a place I have ever been to even though it sounds GREAT but maybe it isn't because it is so muggy there that my pages would get damp and curly. That would make me so SAD. But I was HAPPY that BLAIS won and I know he won because of his Moleskine notebooks because they are GREAT and AWESOME and very very HELPFUL.
I think everybody should have a Moleskine notebook except mean horrible MIKE ISABELLA who doesn't deserve one because he is a BAD MAN. And he made me ANGRY and so I wouldn't want to be his notebook not even if they gave me a million zillion dollars and said I could go to BARBADOS. Maybe he could have a PAC-MAN notebook because they are STUPID and for GIRLS. But I hope that he goes home next week and I never ever ever have to see his big ugly stupid FACE again. And since he doesn't have his own Moleskine notebook I think he will LOSE.
And then Blais will win and I will be so happy AGAIN because I LOVE Blais because he is so AWESOME!
And I love being a MOLESKINE notebook! It is GREAT!
Fractured Amy apologizes for this unavoidable suspension of normal services
and promises to return to her duties as soon as humanly possible.
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