In addition, the judging itself took place amidst the famous red banquettes of the Russian Tea Room, which for me evoke a special nostalgia. Although Moleskine never had the pleasure, the RTR was one of my family's favorite post-Nutcracker haunts when I was growing up - the other being the old Luchow's on E. 14th St. As a kid, I preferred Luchow's wandering oompah band and cuisine (Weiner schnitzel and Schwartzwalder kirschtorte eaten under the fierce gaze of Wagner's valkyrie), but the RTR was better for celebrity-spotting. On one red-letter occasion, since passed into family legend, we ate dinner sitting next to Andy Warhol and I got John Lennon's autograph (he and Yoko had just been to see Sweeney Todd and were carrying the programs to prove it). Dinner there usually involved blinis and caviar (for the adults) followed by chicken Kiev, as I recall, eaten either while people-watching from the red banquettes or upstairs with all the samovars.
Back to the competition. I really like the idea of bringing back cheftestants from seasons past, since we can skip all the tedious introductions that usually take up so much of the first few episodes. We already know these crazy cooks and are comfortably familiar with their foibles - the favorites whom we think were robbed and the villains whom we already despise. Such a time-saver!
Since misery is always more satisfying than joy, I was also pleased to see that the show's big sponsor this year is Buitoni, purveyor of high-gluten pasta to the masses. I am already looking forward to the angst of tedious and excessive product placement.
The Quickfire Challenge passed without incident, involving the strange contrivance of pitting each season's 'team' against the others. This was amusing because, of course, they all pretty much hated one another in their time, the exception being the painfully nice folks from Season 3, recruited after the lawsuit-inviting debacle of the previous year. Nothing out-of-the-ordinary to report, except that I need to try Blais' mustard ice cream. Immediately. I almost want to go out and buy an ice cream machine so I can make some at home tonight.
The theme of the Elimination Challenge was Redemption, with each cheftestant having to create an improved version of the dish that got them thrown off the show the first time. I thought this was an interesting conceit, and the way our brave competitors approached the problem said a lot about their personalities and styles.
Season 1
- Tiffani: the runner-up to Harold Dieterle still describes herself as 'aggressive and competitive', but her crispy branzino, while declared 'pretty' by the judges, wasn't stellar.
- Stephen: the Top Sommelier (and 'hospitality entrepreneur', whatever that is) was infamous for being eliminated after a wedding challenge in which he did, like, no cooking. As punishment, he was required this time to improve upon the team's three not-so-fabulous appetizers. Sadly, he proved that he can't really cook after all - the swampy, muddled flavors of his unappetizing trio landed him in the bottom three.
- Marcel: oh, poor Marcel - what a glutton for punishment! He may be capable, talented, creative and intimidating (at least in his own estimation), but his dish of uni and caviar was very, very frightening. Sir and I paused the DVR to get a better look, and decided it resembled nothing so much as a witch's cauldron with eyeballs floating in it. No kidding - it was disgusting. The judges didn't have much to say, though, so it must have tasted OK. And really, do we need to see footage of Clippergate yet again?
- Elia: how have the mighty fallen. Her anger at being sent packing before the S2 finale didn't translate to original cooking or an improved attitude this time around. She tellingly commented that she didn't feel there had been anything wrong with the dish that sent her home (steamed Mediterranean-style red snapper with olives - in Hawaii!) and doggedly insisted on modifying it as little as possible. Sigh. Did she really have to argue with the judges in that obnoxious way? I, for one, would be very careful about crossing The Shoes at elimination time and Elia paid the price, big-time.
- Tre: the Restaurant Wars martyr distinguished himself in this episode by requiring the first use of the bleep. His cured salmon failed to overly impress the judges, but not much was said.
- Casey: her overcooked pork belly in the S3 finale caused Michelle Bernstein to furrow her eyebrows and mutter something about having been forgotten in the oven. She wowed the judges with a much-improved version of the dish. I predict she'll be around for a while.
- Dale L: I always liked Dale, his season's runner-up. The ruination of his curry-poached lobster was caused by the accompanying dumplings, the gumminess of which he blamed on having to cook at high altitudes. They were an unmitigated disaster this time, as well, and unless he was boiling them at the top of the Chrysler Building, he had no excuse.
- Spike: he seems to think he's some sort of celebrity chef in DC now. Faced with the same lip-curling frozen scallops that brought about his downfall, he sensibly decided to conceal them as far as possible in his dish. Bourdain called the strategy 'crafty', prompting a self-satisfied look on Spike's face that made we want to slap him silly. Still, he landed in the top three, which counts for something, I guess.
- Antonia: all she had to do was cook her pigeon peas beyond al dente, which she did with aplomb.
- Richard: widely-regarded as having been robbed of the S4 title, he came out of the starting gate eager to flaunt his skills and still looking as though he'd been playing with live wires. His braised pork belly seems to have been the best dish of the day, but he was ineligible for the win having unwittingly overrun his plating time. He'll be back!
- Dale T: the bleeper will be stretched to the limit by this guy, whose original scallop and butterscotch dish was a bad, bad idea from start to finish. He succeeded in making it palatable this time, presumably by leaving out the butterscotch. I, for one, would still steer clear, although the judges praised his intelligent approach to a flawed concept.
- Carla: our favorite advocate of universal harmony and peace announced her determination to cook her own food, and grilled her steak instead of cooking it sous-vide. She looked very sad that there were no rave reviews. Don't worry Carla - we still love you!
- Fabio: he didn't even cook during Marcel's season, and already they hate each other. The Italian Stallion announced he felt like he was 'going to hell' - and that was just in the elevator up to the kitchen. He was one of the cheftestants who didn't think his dish was bad the first time around and got into a fight with Bourdain at the judge's table - not the wisest course, perhaps. The presentation of pasta on top of paper was fairly inexplicable - I'm wondering if his heart is truly in it.
- Jamie: I'm sorry, but I have no sympathy for anybody who hates Eric Ripert's food, even if she is sporting a groovy new haircut and loves scarves as much as I do. The judges may have heaped praise on her black bass with celery and promoted her to the top three but I, for one, cannot grant her the redemption she feels she so richly deserves.
- Jennifer: the only competitor whose food I have actually eaten, she is widely regarded as one of the front runners. She looked as surprised as anybody when her duck dish failed to ignite a spark of joy in the judges. Still, she wasn't in the bottom and lived to cook another day.
- Mike: what an ass. He hadn't been cooking for five minutes before declaring his ingredients were a fatal handicap. He had leeks, for crying out loud - if a top chef can't make leeks tasty, what on earth is he good for? Sadly, everybody seemed to like his final dish, so he didn't get sent home. Ass.
- Tiffany: strangely, S7 was the most forgettable, despite being the most recent. I remember Tiffany as being unassuming and competent, but I can't really fathom why she's here. The coconut curry accompanying her halibut was not delicious, but the judges didn't have a lot to say - and nor do I.
- Angelo: the episode winner, for ramen that I can't recall from a few short months ago. It didn't make much of an impression this time around, either, although the judges clearly thought it was something special. I guess the guy can really cook when he's not Suffering from the Singapore Squits.
Next up: the weather forecast for tomorrow is cold but sunny - lunch with DMR is most definitely on!
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