Heartbreak House

Tea-time at England's stately homes can be particularly difficult for gluten guerrillas such as myself.

Behold the spread at Castle Howard's lakeside cafe yesterday afternoon:

How glad I was to find a basket of crisps off to the side. Look how posh they were, too - no ordinary snacks allowed at an aristocratic pile so closely associated with Evelyn Waugh and Anthony Andrews!

As is now my habit, I turned the bag over to examine the fine print on the back. Packet blurbs are so much cleverer on this side of the pond!

Both lactose and gluten? Another cynical betrayal by the ruling classes!

Gluten freedom-fighters of the world unite!

We have nothing to lose but our protein chains.